COMMENTARY:
Sticking It Out Pays Off by Cathy Herrod

As a child of divorce, I've witnessed firsthand the impact of divorce on a child's life. My parents divorced when I was five years old. I jokingly refer to myself as a "twice a year kid" because that's how often I saw my dad growing up as I visited him at Christmas and in summer.

Now, as an adult married for over twenty-five years, I've witnessed the benefits of a healthy marriage. Marriage is an institution worth protecting and nurturing. In today's culture, many don't see the value or benefits of marriage. Rather, the trend is if your marriage isn't working, then try another one.

Divorce causes heartache and sorrow. Particularly among women, the incidence of depression and suicide is much higher for divorced adults than for their married counterparts. Life expectancy, health, and economic status also suffer because of divorce. For couples, the divorce process is, as described by one divorce lawyers' group, "the most grueling, emotionally exhausting, and expensive experience they will ever have."

The stakes are even higher for the three-quarters of a million children whose parents split up each year. The kids are often the emotional casualties of the battles between their parents, and the pain bleeds through into their friendships, schoolwork, and behavior. The residual trauma of the parents' breakup can linger, even if a child goes on to have a successful life. Children also experience tension and emotional difficulties in so-called "amicable" or "quiet" divorces.

Divorce harms adult children. Studies report that adult children go through much of the same trauma as younger children when their parents divorce. Divorce disrupts the parent-child relationship, with negative consequences, even when the child is an adult. Adult children also have significant difficulty adjusting to the changes in their family relationships.

Many couples feel that the reasons for breaking up are insurmountable: lack of emotional feelings of love, frustration with habits or behaviors, or just wanting to avoid having fights every night when the kids are home. Should they just give up? The answer is a resounding and definite "no!"

For couples who stay married, a 2002 study found that two out of three unhappily married adults who avoided divorce or separation ended up happily married five years later. This study was controlled for external factors like income, age, race, education, and parental status. It also showed that happily married adults who avoided divorce were more than twice as likely to be happy with life in general as those who divorced. Even if things seem bad, sticking it out in marriage protects both children and adults from the anguish that divorce brings, especially when breaking up could be a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Marriage benefits individuals, as well as society as a whole. Married people live longer, enjoy healthier lives, and accumulate more wealth. Children of married parents do better in school, have fewer health problems, and are less likely to live in poverty. Marriage even aids in the efficient use of environmental resources.

Marriage can be hard work, but it is an investment worth making.

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Cathi Herrod is the President of the Center for Arizona Policy. For more information on the benefits of marriage and harms of divorce, check out CAP's free Guide to Family Issues available at www.azpolicy.org.

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