Good News Tucson - A Family Values Magazine

Faith In Action by Pastor Bob Sawvelle

Conflict is My Friend!

Recently I was having lunch with my wife, one of my daughters, and a friend. While discussing the virtues of healthy eating, we began to discuss how difficult it can be to confront others when there are issues to be resolved. A great lunch time subject! Fortunately, none of us got heartburn, and as we continued our discussion my wife jokingly responded “conflict is my friend!” We all got a good laugh, but it really made me think for a minute, “do most of us see conflict as a friend or an enemy?”

If we were honest, most would admit that we don’t like conflict and view it as an enemy, not something to be welcomed, and certainly not as a friend! We tend to not only dislike it, but most of us will go to great lengths to avoid it. Yet, there is a place for healthy conflict resolution in our lives.

God’s method for conflict resolution is to approach the one that we have issues or offense with and discuss it with them in a loving manner. In Matthew 18 Jesus told us that we are to go to the one who has hurt us and address the problem. During a conflict, it’s tempting to go to a third party rather than to courageously speak the truth in love to the one you are upset with. Avoiding conflict does not resolve disagreements. Jesus said, "God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God." (Matthew 5:9 New Living Translation) Learning to be a peacemaker brings God’s blessing in our lives. In other words, learning how to resolve conflicts brings peace and God’s blessing. Peacemaking is not running from a problem or pretending it doesn’t exist. Jesus, who is the Prince of Peace, never avoided conflict. In fact, sometimes He encouraged conflict for the good of everyone. There are times we need to avoid conflict; however, there are many times we need to resolve it. Remember, conflict can be your friend!

As we become peacemakers, we need to learn how to attack the problem and not attack the person. We want to address the issues involved, not focus the blame or accuse others for the problem. I heard another pastor say once “you cannot fix the problem if you are consumed with fixing the blame.” Unfortunately, many people allow their anger and emotions to rule when trying to resolve disagreements, and their focus shifts from the issues to the person. If this happens, the issues become shrouded by emotions, hurt and offense, and it becomes very difficult to resolve the problems. Keep in mind that how we say things is as important as what we say. The Bible says in Proverbs 15:1 “a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (New International Version) We can be addressing the issues, but if our tone of voice and words are angry, we are only fueling the disagreement we are trying to resolve.

I want to encourage you to resolve any outstanding conflicts that you have with others. Go to that person in love and humility, address the issues and watch what God does. Remember that conflict resolution is necessary and is your friend!

Bob Sawvelle is the Sr. Pastor at Tucson Area Christian Fellowship. He is married to Carolyn, and they have three daughters. He can be reached at 325-2045.