Good News Tucson - A Family Values Publication

The Family Journey with Dr. Jeff Parziale

Five Keys to Successful Single Parenting

by Dr. Jeff Parziale

1. Take Great Care Of Yourself

Eat well, take vitamins and exercise
Give yourself five minutes. Kids need to see more than just a parent; they need to see a real person achieving their goals.
Set appropriate boundaries; it’s healthy for children to know that you sometimes need private, quiet time.
Seek out supportive friends where you can talk about your feelings.
Journal your feelings; writing your emotions is a good way to let them out.
Get respite care; we all need breaks from the kids and work.

Signs You May be Stuck: Poor eating and sleeping habits, little or no recreation, no friends or support network and/or poor boundaries.

2. Maintain Best Possible Relationship With Former Spouse

Encourage involvement with the nonresidential parent, as long as the other parent doesn't present some danger to the child. When possible, both parents should share responsibilities and provide economic and emotional support. The keys to a child’s well-being: maintain family relationships as much as possible; make minimal changes, especially moving. Children seem to do best when conflict between bio parents is minimal.

Signs You May be Stuck Here:

Strong emotions
Reactive
Blame
Soap box
Negative, repetitive thoughts
Wasted time and energy.

3. Create Stable Environment For Kids

Maintain rituals, traditions and relationships. Successful single-parent families maintain rituals and traditions, whether bedtime routines, special family-time together or holiday celebrations. A tradition is any event with special meaning to a family. When a family has been disrupted, maintaining traditions becomes a stabilizing force, something that can be depended on.

Be conscious that your behavior influences your children. Avoid actions that would be embarrassing to share with your children later in life. Children listen to every word and watch every action. There is no role model more important than that of a parent.

4. Parent With Confidence

Successful single parents make family their highest priority. They genuinely like and enjoy children, sacrificing time, money and energy for their sake. They try to be supportive, patient and help children cope. They are consistent and non-punitive, seldom disciplining out of guilt or anger. They encourage accountability and responsibility by providing structure, giving choices and using logical consequences.

5. Wait To Date

Intentional dating means waiting until both you and the children are ready. Children can take a year or longer to be ready. Take it slow. Know what you want and need, and understand what happened in your last relationship.

Live and love well.

Dr. Jeff Parziale is the director of InStep Ministries, which provides resources, counsel and support to singles, single parents and stepfamilies. To learn more about InStep, see their website: www.instepministries.com or call (520)721-0800.