8 Things No One Tells You About Marriage
Last month I introduced a great Redbook magazine article by Ylonda Gault
Caviness entitled 8 Things No One Tells You About Marriage.
Today we will examine the last six items on her list.
3. You will sometimes go to bed mad (and maybe even wake up madder).
"Whoever decided to tell newlyweds 'Never go to bed angry' doesn't know
what it's like inside a bedroom where tears and accusations fly as one spouse
talks the other into a woozy stupor until night meets the dawn. If this scenario
sounds familiar, I've got three words for you: Sleep on it." Caviness
suggests that couples calm down and gain perspective.
4. You will go without sex - sometimes for a long time - and that's
okay.
Sexless periods are a natural part of married life. A dry spell just means
that maybe this week, sleep is more important than sex. She asserts that "no
one in America is doing it as often as popular culture would have you believe." The
key for Caviness is that a couple needs to find their own rhythm and make
sure there is plenty of affection, even if it's non-sexual in nature.
5. Getting your way is usually not as important as finding a way
to work together.
"When it comes to certain disagreements, there is no right or wrong." The
more a couple gets to know one another, the more respect and appreciation
for their respective positions. That doesn't mean they will always agree,
but they can find a balance that works.
6. A great marriage doesn't mean no conflict; it simply means a
couple keeps trying to get it right.
"As important as it is to strike a balance, it's also important to have
a big, fat fight every now and then." These can help identify key issues
that challenge couples to come to a clearer understanding of the relationship.
7. You'll realize that you can only change yourself.
There is a bit of that makeover fantasy in all of us - something that makes
us believe we can change the person we love, make him or her a little bit
closer to perfect. Caviness suggests that we focus on changing how we respond
to our partner.
8. As you face your fears and insecurities, you will find out what
you're really made of.
We are all a work in progress. "If you let it, this bumpy journey toward
self-awareness can be one of the more fulfilling rewards of a committed,
long-term relationship - you'll learn to love your quirks and be compassionate
toward yourself, just as you're learning to do with him."
Caviness concludes, "That's the strange beauty of marriage: It's full of hard times and hard lessons that no one can ever prepare you for. But in the end, those are the things that give richness to your life together - and make your love even deeper and stronger than when it began."
Live and love well.
Click here to read questions 1 & 2 from last month.
Dr. Jeff Parziale is the director of InStep Ministries, which provides resources, counsel and support to singles, single parents and stepfamilies. Dr. Parziale is an author, speaker and counselor. To learn more about InStep, see their website: www.instepministries.com or call 520-721-0800.
© 2008 Good News Tucson™
