Good News Tucson - A Family Values Publication

The Family Journey with Dr. Jeff Parziale

Holiday Happiness?

The holidays can be hectic in single-parent and stepfamily homes, particularly when children are moving between homes or perhaps even traveling out of town. Here are a few ideas to make the holidays a little less chaotic.

Talk:
Talk honestly and non-judgmentally about what you and your children like and dislike about holiday celebrations. Then talk about what you value and whether the time invested reflected what you actually wanted to do. Keep what works; change the rest.

Make some new traditions:
Traditions are important because they communicate our identity as family, and their predictability provides security to our lives. Holidays are a great time to blend new traditions with old ones. Finding common ground for traditions requires a great deal of flexibility, particularly from adults.

Maintain a sense of humor:
Focus on having fun; remind family members to let the past stay in the past and to enjoy the present.

Adjust your own expectations:
If you aren’t able to have all the children together on Christmas Day, plan a celebration ahead of time. Have a family meeting where the children help with the planning.

Simplify:
Have children help decorate instead of doing it all yourself. Do not try to compete with or outdo the “other” family. Involve your children in all aspects of the holidays. It’s relationships that count.

Shift your holiday thinking:
How could your family serve others? Ask your clergy or school if they know of a family in need. Volunteer as a family with the Salvation Army or other organization caring for others.

Enjoy Your Family’s Uniqueness:
Your family may be different from a traditional nuclear family, but it is not better or worse; it is unique. Learn to appreciate the advantages of your family and the strengths of each person in it.

Set standards for gift giving:
Have a family meeting and discuss what this means for everyone. If you have a friendly relationship with your former spouse, discuss what each family will give the children. Remember however, that giving your children time, attention, love, nurturing, laughter and a strong sense of family values are the kinds of “gifts” that create lasting memories.

Be flexible:
Who says your family has to celebrate a given holiday on its official date, or that all members of your family need to be together on a particular holiday? Even the best made plans are not written in stone and subject to last minute changes. Take time to nurture yourself and your relationships. Don’t get lost in the hustle and bustle.

You don’t have to have the perfect, best-ever holiday season. Everyday is an opportunity to create solid family values and traditions that last a lifetime in everyone’s memories.

Live and love well.

Dr. Jeff Parziale is the director of InStep Ministries, which provides resources, counsel and support to singles, single parents and stepfamilies. Dr. Parziale is an author, speaker and counselor. To learn more about InStep, see their website: www.instepministries.com or call 520-721-0800.