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Life & Business By Mike Hoppe
Too Much to Lose
Sometimes the dark side
of the fear-driven life comes camouflaged and looks pretty good. So good,
in fact, that a logical defense to justify it is very
easy to accomplish…
Alice had always dreamed of the perfect life: her successful, professional
husband, the moderate but Home & Gardens quality house, and single child
that she could focus on until he/she reached kindergarten age at which point
she would begin to work (again) part time. A few years after their baby was
born, Mike (her husband) began to feel less and less a part of the family.
Alice seemed to be focused more and more on the child even after he started
pre-school. Alice's friends seemed to have dwindled to just a few acquaintances
and her house was under constant re-decoration and was always ready to be
a magazine cover.
Pastor Ross had been with this church of 200 people for eight years now. When he took it over, it had dwindled to 60 or so but in his first 3 years he grew it to its present size. Over his tenure he had figured out how to keep everybody happy and his attentiveness had been working well for the last 5 years. His Elder board was completely satisfied with him and his congregation thought that he "fed" them well without challenging them or making them uncomfortable. Pastor Ross had by all indications, the perfect church community.
Gary had finally achieved the last in a series of promotions that he had sought over the last 12 years. He had figured if he could make Director by age 43 he'd be set. He had done all the math and that would set him up for an early retirement by age 57. He'd beat his objective by 18 months… that was 5 years ago. Gary had been a dynamo and on the fast track for his company, however, his performance reviews for the last 3 years were showing a decline and this last one was more than a bit disturbing.
When any of us achieve, accomplish or obtain something worth having, we have a natural tendency to try to protect it (or protect ourselves from losing it, more accurately). This seems logical, right? There is, however, a subtle shift when our primary mode of operation shifts from the vision of achieving something worthwhile to defending what we have "earned". The most obvious change is the necessity to engage other people in a common cause, whether it be a family (Alice), church (Pastor Ross) or business (Gary).
When we get to a point where we really have "too much to lose" if we make a mistake, it starts a cycle that seems to drive our behavior to become even more self focused than we all normally are anyway. A defensive lifestyle is almost entirely self-focused, even if it is logical, and ultimately degrades to an ugly, isolated, existence.
More next month on the dark side of the fear-driven vicarious life…
Mike is one of the Associate Pastors at Casas Church, is a graduate business school instructor, and still actively works with companies to develop their organizations after 15 years in management with a Fortune 100 company. Mike can be reached at mikeh@casaschurch.org or www.casastv.com
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