Good News Tucson - A Family Values Publication

Getting Dad To Let Go Of The Car Keys

Q: My siblings and I am concerned about my father’s declining health. We’ve tried everything to convince him to give up his car keys. He is adamant about being independent and continuing to drive. My siblings and I personally believe that he could be a hazard to himself and others on the road. We don’t know how to approach our father in order for him to realize that our concerns are well-founded.

A: Your question and concerns are the concerns of many Americans who find themselves caring for aging parents while dealing with their own issues of child-rearing, housing, finances, work-related issues.

Yes, your concerns for your father are well-founded. Your father may have a medical condition which renders him completely unfit for driving. Please get this diagnosed as soon as possible. If his current doctor can't find anything wrong, get a second opinion. What you may be witnessing is known as TIAs (transient ischemic attacks), a kind of mini stroke.

There are several things you can do to try and persuade your father to relinquish his keys. If you believe your father is a danger to himself or others, get him out from behind the wheel at once, even if you must hide his keys, sell his car, cancel his insurance, or report him to your state's department of motor vehicles.

It's helpful to get the rest of the family on your side, too. You'll probably find you have more allies than you realize. Someone will have to take the responsibility and do what is unpopular but necessary. Each family member should be willing to take some responsibility in determining what to do about your father and have a say in the final decision of the level of care decided upon for your father.

Sandra G. King - Counselor

Q: My child is in 5th grade and has been the target of bullies. The school has been helpful, but we don’t feel that it is under control. How can we help our son?

A: There are two sides to this question: the victim part and the bully part. For the victim, they must accept that bullying is a normal part of life. In fact, stress in our relationships results in emotional growth. It builds character, self-control and resilience. What we want to help our children accept is that no one gets through this world without being hurt by others. If we agree with our children that they are victims, that they have no control, then they may grow up feeling attacked and inadequate. We need to teach our children that they can take the higher road when children tease. Your child can model decency, self-control and mutual respect to his classmates.

Also, help your child recognize if they demonstrate social immaturity; unusual dress, sounds, touching, movements. Explain to your child that if they want to be treated as being “normal”, they need to learn socially acceptable behaviors. Many times, this simply involves lovingly helping your child to learn how others may be seeing him. Role-playing, humor and creativity can be helpful here.

On the other side of the issue is the bully part. We need to find out – on the continuum of bullying – if this is an isolated, normal-kid type of bullying or if it is a deeper problem. For example, how long has the bully been practicing? Is violence a part of their behavior? What has the school done to manage the bully? Do we understand the bully’s home environment and is the home working to support the school’s plan? Certainly, if the bully has had multiple interventions and he has not stopped, you as a parent need to get in there and demand that this bully get help or be removed. Possibly you can be the person who sees that the bully gets the help they need.

Lisa J. Francis M.A. - Licensed Professional Counselor

Renewal Centers is a non-profit, licensed Christian counseling agency providing affordable services to the Tucson community since 1985. A sliding fee scale is available.