The "New" 7 Year Itch
“FORGET the Proverbial Seven-year Itch” is how a July 1, 2007
New York Times article begins. Reporting on new research based on data from
the National Survey of Families and Households, sociologists Kelly Musick
and Larry Bumpass suggest that the initial “boost” that marriage
has seems to fade over time, apparently by the end of year three. Research
also showed that the median duration of first marriages that end in divorce
remains a little more than seven years, which means that some couples will
likely spend more than half their married lives less happy than they were
when they cut the first slice of wedding cake.
Do Musick and Bumpass suggest a new three-year itch? Not really. There is
not necessarily anything magical about year three according to Professor
Musick. We know that typically when marriages end in divorce, half end before
seven or so years and half end after.
Their research doesn’t address whether blissful 21st-century relationships are any more or less enduring than they were in the 20th century, so it may be that marital happiness has always come with a three-year expiration date. With lower rates of marriage, fewer couples having children and women becoming more economically independent, the question must be asked, what is keeping marriages together? Musick and Bumpass suggest that the answer is love and commitment, although they hasten to add, even that’s fragile.
But the evolving rules of marriage provide both opportunities and pitfalls,
claim Musick and Bumpass. There may be greater potential to find fulfillment
in relationships, but that possibility and the expectations that come from
it may lead to greater disappointment for some if the expectations are not
fulfilled.
Their bleak statistical assessment of the durability of enchantment is one
of several new findings about relationships and marriage in America. In a
word, the state of marriage is precarious.
Even with the nation’s population increasing, the number of married
Americans age 21 to 54 has declined slightly since 2000, for the first time
in history. Yes, most Americans still say marriage is the ideal, according
to research by the Pew Center. While roughly 90% of Americans eventually
marry, the time they spend married has declined sharply, in part because
they are marrying later and living longer as widows. Moreover, the Pew survey
found that 79% of Americans say a woman can lead a complete and happy life
if she remains single. The comparable figure for men was 67%.
The Pew survey found that nearly half of Americans in their 30s and 40s have
cohabitated. Among all adults, a minority (44 percent) said that living together
without getting married was bad for society (only 10 percent said it was
a good thing), although the Pew survey concluded that by providing an alternative
to marriage, cohabitation for some appears to diminish rather than strengthen
the impulse to legally marry.
Are married couples happier? Yes and no, according to researchers. Perhaps
a better question might be, how do we keep our marriages happy and healthy?
Great marriages require two happy and healthy people. Start by focusing on
getting yourself happy rather than blaming your partner for your unhappiness.
For some great marriage tips and resources, contact the Good News Magazine. Live
and love well.
Live and love well.
Dr. Jeff Parziale is the director of InStep Ministries, which provides resources, counsel and support to singles, single parents and stepfamilies. Dr. Parziale is an author, speaker and counselor. To learn more about InStep, see their website: www.instepministries.com or call 520-721-0800.
© 2008 Good News Tucson™
