Am I Safe At School?

It was my first year living in Arizona. I got up in the morning feeling very, very nervous. It was a new school, new environment, new everything.

On the first day of school, I made three new friends, Sara, Holly, and Aimee (names have been changed). They were very nice to me. Every day, I would sit by them in class, eat lunch with them, and share secrets with them.

Then one day I got to school, and everything had changed. They would not talk to me, sit by me, or even look at me (except the occasional glares). Toward the end of the day they finally said that I was one of the worst friends that they had ever met in their lives.

I was devastated.

From that day on, I made the biggest mistake of my middle-school life. This is a mistake that you never, ever want to make - I did not tell my parents a thing. While Sara, Holly, and Aimee were at home telling their mommy and daddy what a horrible, mean person I was, I was in my room, sulking, pretending that nothing was wrong at all.

This went on for about a month or so. After a school rally one day, Holly's mom came over to our car and told my mom (who was driving) to park somewhere immediately because they needed to talk. When my mom parked and got out of the car, Aimee's and Sara's moms came over from their cars. Holly's mom told my mom that I had been saying mean things to Holly. My mom started crying and Sara's mom began yelling at my mom, saying that she had had it up to here with me (moving her hand across her throat). My mom was now balling, trying to understand what was happening. Aimee's mom did not say much, just shook her head at my mom. At the end of the "talk," one of the moms said that I was from the devil and that I should not be allowed at the school.

Although I tried to avoid the girls, they continued to gang up on me at school. For example, one day I left my pencil box by my locker, which was by the trash can. The girls dumped all my pencils, pens, and erasers in the trash and ruined (stepped on) my box. I called my mom and asked her what to do; she said to talk to the Principal, but he was in a meeting. I talked to the Assistant Principal and he brought us all together. But they denied it, and it was their word against mine - three against one.

Lessons Learned

Through this entire process, I was afraid to tell my parents what was happening because I didn't want to disappoint them. But I learned that it was more important to tell them what was happening in my life than to try to handle it myself.

My parents prayed with me as we tried to decide what to do. Even though I was afraid to be around those girls, I didn't want to leave my school. In the end, one of the girls moved away. The other girls still go to the school, but I am careful to be nice to them while keeping my distance.

From this experience I really learned a lot. First, trust your parents. These things had never happened to me before, so I didn't know how to deal with them. If I had gone to my parents immediately, it would have saved me a lot of heartache.

My number two lesson is that you need to let those in authority know when you are being picked on. No one should have to feel like they are being ganged up on! Talk to a teacher or the Principal. Tell them everything that's going on. It takes courage to talk to someone, and I want to encourage you to be courageous!

Lesson three is probably one of the most important. When the girls started being mean to me, I was mean right back to them. Rather than walking away from situations, I called them names and glared right back at them. I was not innocent. When things started getting worse and I tried to avoid the girls, the damage to my integrity had already been done. My teachers, other students and even the school leaders took the side of these girls.

So don't retaliate - walk away. Walking away may seem like you're "chicken" but that is the best decision. Don't get caught in a situation where people can turn your actions against you.

I hope that the lessons I learned can help you if you are facing a tough situation. Don't try to handle it on your own. We're growing up, becoming more independent and learning to be more responsible, but, after all, we're still kids!

© 2008 Good News Tucson™