October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

Sadly, you are probably well aware that domestic violence takes place far too often. But what you might not be aware of are the different types of DV, the numerous effects it has, and the steps you can take that can make a difference.

When most people envision domestic violence, they conjure up the image of a woman battered by her husband or boyfriend. Although many forms of domestic violence exist, including men battered by women, the general consensus that women most often fall victim, is an accurate one: according to the American Institute on Domestic Violence, 1,232 women are killed each year by an intimate partner.

However, the conditions that define domestic violence in Arizona are based on the relationship between the victim and abuser as well as the type of crime committed; this means instances of domestic violence are more common than you might think.

According to Arizona Statute, the brother-in-law who makes late-night, harassing phone calls to his sibling’s estranged spouse is just as guilty of domestic violence as the guy who gives his girlfriend a black eye.

Domestic violence affects people of every culture, class, and community. It doesn’t discriminate by age, income, or ethnicity. And the ripple effects of DV impact us all.

Domestic violence affects children.

According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, about 10 to 20 percent of our nation’s children will be exposed to domestic violence. These statistics mean an increase in risks that jeopardize children’s physical, emotional and spiritual health. These children are much more susceptible to enduring traumatic events; to suffering neglect and abuse; and to losing one or both parents to incarceration or death.

Kristine Grey is a licensing case worker at Christian Family Care Agency. “A vast majority of children who enter the Foster Care system are affected by domestic violence,” says Grey, who helps in dealing with emergency placements from CPS. “Fortunately, we have very loving and compassionate Christian foster families who consider it a ministry to be available for emergency placements,” she reports. “When we get calls and there is domestic violence involved, we always make the foster families – who have all undergone special training – aware that the children coming into their homes have experienced trauma and may need some special treatment.” Research indicates that early intervention can help a child to heal and overcome the trauma they’ve suffered. This is encouraging news, because additional research is less heartening.

Men who witnessed domestic violence between their parents as children are twice as likely to abuse their wives. Because violence is a familiar behavior to them, women who were exposed to DV as children are far more likely to enter into abusive relationships. And both men and women who grew up with domestic violence in their homes have a higher propensity towards drug and alcohol abuse. “It is a shame that people are not more aware of the emotional toll this takes on little ones that witness this kind of behavior in their own home,” states Grey. “Unfortunately, statistics tell us that it is very likely that children growing up in this environment will repeat the same behavior in their own homes.”

Domestic violence affects our nation’s workforce.

Administaff, the nation’s leading professional employer organization, reports that “…the annual cost of lost productivity in the workplace due to domestic violence is estimated at $727.8 million, with more than 7.9 million paid workdays lost each year.”

“I worried that I would lose my job,” states Colleen*, “which was the only freedom I felt I had left. My husband called me at work several times each day and became angry whenever I couldn’t talk.”

“Abusers typically check in frequently with their victim to be sure they are where they should be,” reports Administaff, “and to sustain the psychological hold that enables abusers to stay in control. These frequent phone calls plus the mental state of the victim decreases the amount of work they can handle on a daily basis.”

Colleen also missed work frequently due to injuries, emotional distress, lack of sleep, or no transportation. Fortunately, her supervisor approached Colleen and confirmed that she was suffering abuse. Over time she was instrumental in helping Colleen break free from her abusive husband.

Employers should have policies and procedures in place to assist victims such as resource information available through the company’s HR department or employee assistance program, along with the assurance that all information is confidential. In addition to providing information, Administaff suggests that employers should be benevolent to employees who are victims of DV. “These policies and procedures may provide for time away from work for court appearances, a shift change to a safer time of day, or a transfer to another position where the abuser cannot find the victim… employers may also consider placing posters in restrooms, hallways, and break rooms to help abusers and their victims recognize the signs and behaviors and encourage them to seek help.”

Not only is it appropriate for employers or coworkers to reach out to a potential victim, Administaff states it is necessary. “Employers must promote the message that abuse is NOT OKAY. As a co-worker, it is okay to speak up to executives and managers and affect a change in office protocol. Everyone in the office can be part of the solution to the problem, supporting the needs of co-workers and employees while supporting the needs of the organization at the same time.”

Domestic violence affects pets.

Annisa* finally gathered the courage and information she needed to leave her abusive boyfriend. “But the shelter I was entering didn’t allow pets,” she shares. Annisa couldn’t bear to leave Zazu*, her four-year-old mixed breed pooch, behind. “I didn’t have children,” she continues, “Zazu was the closest I had to a child. I was afraid my ex might do something to Zazu just to get even with me.”

Annisa wasn’t overreacting, and she is not the only victim to have felt this way. Dr. Randall Lockwood is Senior Vice President of Anti-Cruelty Initiatives and Legislative Services at the ASPCA. “An estimated 25 to 40 percent of domestic violence victims won’t leave their abusers because they worry about what will happen to their pets,” reports Lockwood. “83 percent of directors of the largest shelters for battered women in the U.S. indicated women entering the shelters discussed incidents of pet abuse in the family; 71 percent of pet-owning women in shelters reported that a pet had been threatened, injured or killed by their abuser; and 49 percent of pet-owning victims who fled their abusers and sought shelter continued to worry about their animals after entering shelter.”

Even if the abuser never harmed the pet before, the chance increases that the pet will be harmed after the victim leaves. This is because the abuser sees the pet as a means to control the victim, and sometimes as competition for the victim’s attention and affection.

Fortunately Annisa didn’t have to leave Zazu with her ex. The Humane Society of Southern Arizona participates in the Safe Haven program, which will place victims’ pets in a loving foster home until it is safe and feasible for the pets to rejoin their families.

Domestic violence affects teens.

Katelyn* was 16 when she started dating Shaun*, who was 18. He didn’t go to her school or know any of her friends. “He seemed exciting, sort of mysterious,” says Katelyn. “At first he would call me on my cell when I was out with friends, asking me to come over, saying how much he missed me. I thought it was really sweet. I felt special.”

But soon, Shaun became possessive and jealous. “It got to where I stopped hanging out with my friends, because I didn’t want to fight. And if I was somewhere with my family I would call and check in with him,” Katelyn relates. And on the rare occasions Shaun agreed to join her for family gatherings, he would sulk the entire time, or get angry with Katelyn over something and leave. If she didn’t go after him he would call and blow up at her over the phone. “I was making excuses for him to my friends, my parents, and I guess myself. But when he was in a good mood, he was so sweet and romantic. I would convince myself I was overreacting.”

Katelyn says if Shaun called and she didn’t answer or went by her house and she wasn’t home and hadn’t told him where she’d be, Shaun would fly into a rage “He said it was because his last girlfriend hurt him really bad. I did everything I could to make him feel like he could trust me. Then it happened,” she says. “He was throwing accusations at me again and I was sick of it. I told him he either trusted me or he didn’t. That’s when he hit me.”

Fortunately, Katelyn’s mother had continually let her daughter know she could come to her for anything and that she loved her unconditionally. She asked Katelyn non-threatening questions, such as “How’s Shaun’s job going?” and “What did you two do Saturday night?” When Shaun became physically abusive, Katelyn opened up to her mom, who got Katelyn the help she needed.

Sadly, Katelyn’s story is not unique. According to the Arizona Coalition for Domestic Violence, approximately 20% of high school girls have reported being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner and 40% of teenage girls age 14-17 report knowing someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend. Teen abusers often date younger girls who have less dating experience, as they can be easier to control.

If you are a teen whose friend is being abused, find an adult you can trust and talk about it. If they don’t help you, find another adult. Talk until someone listens. If you are a parent who suspects your teen is being abused, keep the lines of communications open. When she does talk to you, don’t get angry or bad-mouth her accuser, as she may get defensive and shut down. Simply listen, let her know you will help her, and that you love her no matter what. When she’s ready to break it off, help her devise a safety plan.

If you have a friend, relative, neighbor or coworker that you suspect is a victim of domestic violence, you can and should offer help. The Arizona Coalition for Domestic Violence offers a tip sheet with valuable information on how you can help. Following are some of these tips:

Educate Yourself – learn about the dynamics of domestic violence and the safety issues involved in supporting an individual.

Active Listening - Let the person know you care about their safety and you are there to listen

Provide Support - Provide emotional support and any other types of support needed.

Safety Planning - Every situation is different and the victim should always guide the safety plan.

Intervention During a Violent Incident - Domestic violence can be very dangerous and may result in serious physical injury or death. If you know a violent incident is occurring call 911 or the local police immediately.

Don’t succumb to the feeling that you are overstepping or butting in. You might be the only person who interferes – and saves a life.

*Names of people who are interviewed have been changed.

© 2008 Good News Tucson