Got Friends?
Got friends?… uh, well, no.
(a recent conversation with someone I met recently)
“Well I guess it might depend on how you define friends… I
know a lot of people, and a lot of people know me. Hey, when I walk into
my Starbucks, there are usually a couple of people there who call me by name,
including the Barista (coffee dude that makes your triple fu-fu coffee drink,
for you non-Starbucks addicts!).”
“But that’s not really what you mean, is it? I get the feeling you are talking about real friends…I think I get the concept, but I’m still not sure what you totally mean. I have a couple of friends I have known since junior high and we have a lot of history together, but somehow that doesn’t click with what I think your trying to get at.”
“I thought I had a best friend in my spouse, but hey, like I told you last time, we just went through a nasty divorce. The worst part about that was that a bunch of people I thought were my friends turned out to be ‘our’ friends and they have sort of disappeared off the radar. Well, it’s just as well; it made moving to Tucson a lot easier. I love it here, always loved the southwest and always wanted to live here. Sort of hard to connect, though, you know?”
“There are a few people at work who I have known for quite awhile, but you know, at work, we try to keep things on the professional level so most of the family or personal stuff we talk about is pretty superficial. I suppose since I moved I’m off a bunch of people’s radar as well; you know the ‘out of sight, out of mind’ kind of stuff. I’m really looking forward to starting over here, getting settled, making some good friends, and maybe find somebody special when I get over this divorce thing a little bit more…”
Like a lot of guys, Mark’s distant memory of a sixth grade buddy is probably the closest thing to real friendship that he has in his 25 years as an adult. Between being raised to be self reliant, living in a culture that holds independence up as a god, and the competitive manipulation of moving up in the world, the opportunity for real friends is few and far between… even if he could recognize it.
Yesterday my definition of real friendship was expanded yet again. A group of us had been motorcycle camping for a few days outside of Durango and I was up at 3:45am to make a solo run back to Tucson. I heard my friend Terry’s voice. “Let me pray for you before you leave.” You might think Terry must be a minister at a church, but he actually has a very dangerous job and has seen the worst humanity has to offer. He prayed for my travels, our friendship, our friends. We prayed for each other’s wives and our marriages. His act of kindness and care deeply touched me, and is still with me as I write this.
I was Mark ten years ago. Never knew real friendship. Wasn’t really sure it existed. Certainly didn’t know how to find it. I’m humbled to have a few friends like Terry, and a truly best friend in my wife Cindy. I’m doing my best to share the blessing I have been given.
I think I’ll ask Mark to join us on our next camping trip…
Mike Hoppe is one of the Associate Pastors at Casas Church, is a graduate business school instructor, and still actively works with companies to develop their organizations after 15 years in management with a Fortune 100 company. Mike can be reached at mikeh@casaschurch.org or www.casastv.com
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